new inner being

I have conjured up or worked up a new inner being, entity or way of being. This new animus figure has an inner mother/father figure and comes out as someone who is not always trying to please or entertain people. I feel very comfortable with my new inner dimension of self. I feel comfortable, less angry or bored and less stressed. I'm able to spend time by myself with out the monkey mind going off in my head. I'm able to forgive others, myself too, and move on. I feel present. One idea that keeps coming to mind is the need to build up. Its one thing to enjoy the mundane but building up in my life keeps me from being dulled. Too boring becomes a lack of internal parents. Building up is a way to keep from that deadly boredom of neurosis or from falling into addiction. Building up is a good sign. That's what Sarah did in the Torah.

Today

I went to my Jungian therapist today. I enjoyed the session but I feel I bore her. I brought in some drawings of my mother and father. Sometimes I don't feel right talking about my parental complex. I feel guilty as if its not nice to talk about your parents. My therapist said the work I'm doing isn't about my flesh and blood parents but about my inner parents that come out as my inner masculine and my inner feminine. She said that doing this work would help me to take care of myself better and to be more creative. Jung is magical. Speaking about magic I just got Josephine McCarthy's book Magical Knowledge in the mail. It is great so far and is talking about meeting inner figures and beings. I am very interested in inner work, especially as it really alleviates boredom for me. Sometimes the mundane is good, necessary, but sometimes so slow and boring. Inner work is interesting and exciting. In another book Josephine talks about lighting a candle as a threshold to the inner world. I think a lot of it is imagination but my therapist talks about projection and how our inner figures come out in dreams and in the real world. There is also a way to combine the inner world and the mundane world in lucid dreaming, but that is another topic. Dreams are also interesting and dream snippets or small dream memories can be good to work with too. I have Jung's Red Book and I am going to work with it and write about it when I get through Josephine McCarthy's very good books. Taylor Ellwood is another favorite author of mine. He is over at magicalexperiments.com

New blog

This is my first post on my new writing blog. I started this blog after realizing that I am wasting too much time watching the news on TV. I want to spend more time on my inner life and getting into the feminine side of my psyche. Part of the way I do that is by getting some body work done, like acupuncture or a massage. My body is becoming more and more important to me. Really. For the most part for most of the time I ignored it. Now I realize that doing inner work like writing and working with a therapist really works best if I can feel myself in my body. Even my meditation teacher told me meditation is all about being in your body. With the weather getting warmer I've been going for walks at night around 7:30 or 8. I walk and enjoy the warm breeze and the fading sunlight. I get into the greenery around me and notice the trees, plants and grasses. I've been walking about 20-25 minutes and then coming home and taking a hot shower. Then I usually try to sit in meditation and later have a glass of tea. I have noticed that after working my mind races and my body gets tense and rigid. That is where body work comes in so well. But I also noticed that body work can get boring if I do it all day. What works best for me is an hour or two a day and more on weekends. Having the discipline to write is good too. Writing makes me feel grounded and creative. Part of meditation, walking, being in nature is coming home to tell the story. My body has its own story and my therapist says it has its own intelligence. One my meditation teachers takes up a drum and uses it to get into the sound of the story he is telling. Sometimes I take up my deer drum and play a little before meditation or starting a journal entry. The sound gets my storytelling going.